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Hangzhou Expat

Mr. Zheng

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Mr. Zheng last won the day on May 21

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About Mr. Zheng

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  • Birthday 01/01/1970

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    The Land Of Elvis

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    Bhutan

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  1. Again, this is the question. Why do retail stores and restaurants play music? What is the point of it? I am in a McDonalds and they have to play this retarded music all the time. Playing the same music must drive workers batty as hell. I know it does me. I worked in one store where they played the same shitty music over and over and over and over again, everyday day after day, week after week forever. I still remember one awful song after twenty years. Another job I based hey had bands play (again with the fucking bands) who would play the same songs in the same set over and over and over and over again, who think they are the greatest thing since fried rice. If I were in the CIA and wanted to torture someone for information, I would tie them to a chair and force them to listen to Rod Stewart song “Maggie Mae” over and over again. No need to beat them or waterboard them. Several hours of Rod Stewart and I will have them admitting to the Kennedy assassination. I lived across the way from a school and every weekday they would play this fucking music, several songs LOUDLY since I lived about a kilometer away and can clearly hear it. One song and I am not kidding was the Jesus song “Silent Night.I am in my house chilling with the IPad and having to listen to this shit. Chinese love noise and hate quiet, this has been evident after all of these years. Bands in bars. Why? There is lots of commercial music, why do I want to hear that? Of course, this being China it has to be LOUD because everyone has to hear them. Nothing I can’t stand than relaxing in a club and some people coming up with instruments. Of the subject but like places who make their own beer with some ridiculous steampunk copper shit with pretentious names like Strawberry Kiss or Sweet Pussy. Jesus, this is why God made Germans to start wars and make liquid love. It is not that I hate music, but it should be an individual choice. I for example love the band AC/DC. But I am sure my father would hate listening to a second of Hells Bells. So since music is such an individual thing, why play it in public? A promise of old age is getting hard of hearing. Can’t wait. Want a hearing aid I can turn up or down. Yes. And they say old age is hell. May you Boogie with the Woogie!
  2. That’s the question. i like to ask my students, name a food most people like that you hate? Mine is watermelon. Watermelon to me is just gross. I have tried to eat it and to me it just has this sickly, gross sweet grainy taste. If I were forced to eat a whole watermelon I would probably puke several times before getting it down. The thing is, everyone else loves this disgusting fruit. Chinese, Americans everyone. I honestly don’t get the love. And no drilling a hole in this alien fruit and pouring a bottle of vodka in it doesn’t help. Still tastes like shit and you wasted a bottle of vodka (would say good vodka but there is no such thing, vodka is only for Russians, lonely housewives over 40 and degenerate alcoholics. Boogie Boogie!
  3. Mr. Zheng

    How would one report a website to be blocked?

    Dear Space Pasta, If she does come back with me, she will be put on a tight budget and I will be the one who will pay for her needs. This is a concern because casinos are everywhere in America. There is a casino town (where I used to work twenty years ago) about 50km/30 miles away. But you don’t need the casinos when you have the internet. However these websites are illegal in the USA and are immediately shut down. I have no interest in casino gambling simply because I know the odds and know it’s bullshit. For me it might be fun to go there with $200-300 bucks, play the 21 tables and shoot dice. But if you lose it, I did get to drink high shelf liquor and get a buffet out of the deal. Table games gambling to me is a challenge, but a difficult one, and then again, if I wanted to throw away $200, I could go party in a bar, have a huge steak, or whatnot. $200 really isn’t beans in a casino anyway, years ago, I lost a $100 in about ten minutes on he dice table and I was sober. Better to just use that money on booze, dope and hookers, at least I get something in return. Time will tell and no, I am not giving her any more money without knowing where it is going. I also am very much in love with her. I told her earlier I was heading back to Hangzhou (moving to Dongyang to teach) but what I wanted to do cannot be done until early next week. My wife asked me if I was leaving tomorrow and I said no, and she told me she wanted me to stay so this means a lot since I have nagged and conjoled her. We could be a show on Dr. Phil.
  4. Mr. Zheng

    How would one report a website to be blocked?

    Well her father is dead and her mother is 90 years old so I don’t think this is viable. Her son, my stepson has almost written her off. She’s gambling now, after the other day her daughter in law almost in tears came over telling her she needs to stop this, because basically they and to a lesser degree myself has been paying for her upkeep for the past several years. This is just like a drug addiction. I for myself am tired of China after all these years and want to finally go back to America and live. My dad even wants me to divorce her and he doesn’t know about this gambling crap. My mother who passed away in January went through a gambling spell because there were troubles in our house in the 1990’s and my father had to step in and take charge of the finances for awhile, but with mom it’s like someone who want alcoholic but drank a lot and it caught up. My wife is a crackhead now with this shit. I guess what goes around comes around. I am going to come back to Hangzhou and wage a complaint. Dunno if it will do any good, but if YouTube, FB and all that bullshit is blocked, this should be also and don’t understand why it isn’t. My wife is too dumb to know about the Victoria Principal Network but would probably learn if she lost track. Except for this, don’t know except for a divorce which will break my heart. But I am tired of dirty ass China and would be happy in a small house, a dog, a pickup truck, Taco Bell and a hot tub.
  5. Mr. Zheng

    Motorcycle driving license requirements

    I have advised people for years (including a young man recently) to not operate a vehicle of any kind in China. Too me the risks of great bodily harm is too great and for me, Hangzhou in particular and Chinese cities have a pretty good transportation system and fairly cheap taxis. Motorbikes are illegal in major cities in China but is Ok to have them in the more rural areas. But again, why have a motorbike? Have you seen these people drive here? If you still feel the need to have a motorbike here and eschew my sound advice, make sure you have a Will, Life Insurance, and a way to tell the authorities where to mail your dead ass body back home for burial. Please, don’t get a motorbike here. If you want to kill yourself, shoot heroin!
  6. I am now in Dongyang near Yiwu with my wife. I saw that there is a new shopping mall built by InTime. Beautiful shopping mall, just as nice as anything in Hangzhou. Had all the usual stuff, Starbucks, KFC, (Dongyang’s first)McDonalds, H and M, a theater and all that stuff. Very clean and modern and a good venue. I had to use the toilet when I was there. I wasn’t dying, but I was uncomfortable. I thought there would be a real toilet but all there were (in this otherwise clean bathroom) were those goddamned hole toilets.... Why can’t Chinese have regular public toilets? Why these holes? I can’t use one, dropping may pants and doing a balance, and hoping I hit the target. Not to be graphic or gross but why just have a regular toilet? I would hate to be a woman here. At least I can stand up to urinate. Some might say, think of all the asses who would sit on a real toilet. Ok. But think when you go to a restaurant of how many mouths that fork you are using has been in, or renting a hotel room (even a pimp place like the Hyatt or the Shangrila) of how many people have had sex, jerked off, urinated, spittled and every other gross thing that you are sleeping in. The World is unhygienic which is why we have an immune system. Please have a real toilet. No more expensive than the hole. The hole is gross!
  7. We are having a crisis in my home. My (Chinese) wife is a gambling addict. Not a joke and not to be funny. I have been married to her almost 17 years and she has always gambled, but her gambling was of the majiang variety with her girlfriends back in the early years of our relationship. But she has also been to Macau numerous times. She even went to Zambia in Africa and I followed her all the way there and she was gambling again in the local casino. Now she is addicted to a website where she plays live Baccarat online. She is like a crackhead on this shit (again, not an exaggeration). She will play up to 16 hours a day on it. The other night, I get up at 3 am to use the bathroom and she is in there still and has been in there for at least eight hours. I have tried to talk to her and consul her on this. She doesn’t listen to me. She will even claim she isn’t gambling while she is gambling. Today her stepson Weixin messaged me if she was home. Her stepson and myself are supporting her basically since she doesn’t work now nor will she look for a job! She is a “businesswoman”. She did well back in the 00’s but hasn’t done anything for several years and I really don’t know how she gets money. I am making her sound bad and she isn’t. She is addicted to this shit. I don’t want to divorce her, again been married to her a long time. I have had my problems with drink and crazy behavior and she was the responsible one who told me to cut it out or else (still drink but my “cowboy behavior” is much less than before). Ok. I want to report to the police, the “internet police” about this website and see if they can block it. I mean, China blocks so many websites and gambling is illegal. Gambling online is illegal in the USA much less China. If these websites were done away with, a lot of the problem would go away, perhaps. Even if it doesn’t, it is still illegal. So which police agency would I contact about this? We are sort of at the end of our rope. Maybe some of you have seen a show called “Intervention” where a freak does dope or drinks a gallon of Vodka a day and gets talked into treatment. Or something. I want to move back to America next year and want her with me. But not gambling for fuck sake. Probably not an answer, but alerting the authorities about this would be a start. You would think with such a strict internet monitoring force this shit would be gone already or someone is a bagman for this. Big Brother, need your Authoritarian hand. People ask me what it is like living in China. Well, it’s like living in your parents house and you follow their rules and Xi Jinping is Dad. And my wife needs to be beaten with a belt. Peace and Help from the Province.
  8. Not to mention having to learn a language where it the written word requires study until high school of not college. We know ABC by the time we leave kindergarten and don’t have to invest a decade of study and bullshit to read a newspaper and write a grocery list. Not much can be done about this and I actually think the written language is pretty cool and I am honored to badly read and speak this ancient tounge. I think the kids now will grow up and will demand and get profound change in their society. Positive change is what is needed here in many ways. The children are slaves. The poor kids to the factory, the middle class and wealthy kids to the desk. Again, life is short, why do we treat each other like this?
  9. I worked for a “training school” for kids on and off for several years. I did some work for them this summer and I really feel sorry for the kids. Why? Because they are CONSTANTLY in school or studying. Many of these kids get no vacation or down time at all. Classes everyday in the summer, including my young children. Just constant study, study, study, study. The kids from primary school to college have homework in the summer. I mean really? Kids need a break. Even students at Harvard, Cambridge, Chote and wherever get the summer off. I loved summer as a kid because I got a break from the bullshit. No studying, relaxing. Travel. As an American as a kid I went to the Geand Canyon, California, Grand Cayman Islands. My dad taught me how to fly a plane. I was with my friends in the summer enjoying ourselves and doing fuck all. These “privileged” Chinese kids don’t get this. It is all homework, homework, homework. Very repressive. I would hate this shit if I were a Chinese parent. If I were a Chinese with kids, I want them to enjoy life sometime. Disney World as a little one. As older kids taking them to places to absorb the culture of our people, the Great Wall, Xi’an (Xi’an kicks ass by the way, best Chinese town ever) and even foreign trips to America, Thailand and Japan. Just more to learn about life than sitting in a classroom all the damn time. I think of the Pink Floyd song “Teacher, leave these kids alone!” I agree with this at least two months out of the year. To risk my job teaching, English is not that important here. Not many jobs require English anyway and anyone with a workin knowledge of said language can use 翻译 to communicate with people. I ask humbly President Xi to make July a children month where schools are closed and training schools closed and let parents and children enjoy themselves. Life is too short and I have seen this lately. If in America there was “homework” for holidays we would have killed the teachers and burned the school down. Enough is enough. I love my Chinese children and they deserve better!
  10. Mr. Zheng

    Coming in July

    Hello. First, if you are from the UK and coming in late July, prepare for some heat. It is hotter than hell here and you should be prepared for that. Concerning clothing, I am an overweight man and I would recommend going clothes shopping before coming here, as there is only one chain of stores which sells clothes my size. Chinese men also dress like faggots so you really don't want much of the fashion here. Also, shoes are difficult to find. Again the effeminate men here have little girl feet. I wear a 44 and there is only one store called Decathalon that sells shoes to fit me, bought a pair the other week. Hope to be a help.
  11. The other day I decided I wanted ribs and started for Charcoal. I thought in the back of my mind this would be true and arriving there, my fear was realized, Charcoal is no longer there, replaced by a Sushi place. I wasn’t that surprised of the demise of the place. I think it has sone faults. First, I hated the location, it was just out of the way. Sometimes I would think about going there, but end up more about going to Eudora or another place in the city, near shopping, drinking or places of interest. Charcoal was out in a ghetto of nothingness. Second, they made their own beer. Note, and not to troll here but craft beer tastes like cold piss. Seriously. I hate these pretentious ass places with some copper tank in back with some goofy beer name like Strawberry Pussy Kiss or Carolina Urine. Then they don’t have regular commercial beer because they sell their own crap and that Steampunk machine has to pay for itself someway. Restaurants, please for the Love of Christ, don’t make your own fucking beer. Just buy it wholesale and sell it to us at a ridiculous markup. Sell that copper crap to a hobo. Third, Chinese don’t like our food for the most part, or really anything digestable to anyone but them or a desperate animal. If it isn’t weird, smelly, with an eyeball in it, the Chinese won’t eat it. They have a preconceived supposition if what “western food” is and anything outside that norm doesn’t work. Then they have the audacity to put down American and western food. Well, sorry, we didn’t invent dishes because of famine and starvation. Put down a wonderful Italian pizza versus a bowl of Chou Dofu and ask the Chinese to pick one and the pizza will be gone. Speaking of which, why does Pizza Hut exist? At least Papa Johns got kicked out of here for giving too many people a Number Two the next day. I would like to invite the CEO of Papa Johns to China and then have him get hit by a truck. Because this is what he deserves, not death but three weeks in a Chinese hospital, a fate much more horrible, and be forced to eat his own product. But off the subject of the demise of Charcoal. The name Charcoal itself was bad. Charcoal is the dirty, grimy rocks to cook the meat. Not appetizing. Might as well call the place Dust, Dirt, Coffee Grounds. Flame would have been a nice name, as long as it wasn’t confused with a gay bar. Lastly, the waitstaff. Charcoal is far from the only one, but I hate waitstaff here and their bullshit. You step one foot in and you are shadowed by someone who is pointing me to a seat like I am a toddler, they hand me a menu and run off. They don’t have a conception of someone ordering a drink while looking st the menu and go get my drink now instead of hanging over me like Big Bird. They go get your drink and come back with a glass of tepid water or some other bullshit instead of your drink. Then you want to order and the waitstaff is in some dark vortex of nothingness. Also, bus the damn tables. So tired of looking at dirty ass tables they will slowly clean. If you eat fast food in the restaurant, when you are done, take your trash and the tray and throw your shit away. Can I get an Amen somebody? Lastly (applause) I think Charcoal was one of those places that we say we want to go to, but just never made the effort. As I said before, the place was in the middle of nowhere. We finally made the effort to get way the fuck out there, and got the same reaction I did “It’s closed. Shit.” Life goes on and there will be other mediocre, overpriced bullshit western restaurants in the future and there are many now. Goodbye Charcoal, it was fun sucking your bone.
  12. I would ask the Chinese Embassy in your country of residence. Be prepared perhaps to hear or read two conflicting versions of the law, because this is China, the Kingdom of Mass Confusion (群众混乱的王国). I take it your dog cannot speak Chinese, so he may have trouble communicating with most of the animals here because they don’t speak English, except for the occasional cat licking its balls. Besides dogs are not safe here, they may get kidnapped to be the host of a barbecue. Or much worse, the babydoll plaything of a 19 year old girl with a Prada handbag who does nothing all day except texting her boyfriend and occasionally farting.
  13. I decided under pressure of my newly widowed father that I will lose weight. Been fairly successful. Lost about 50 lbs or over 20 kg in five months. When I was home, I used the services of a diet company to kind of end me on a right path. Although I still drink beer and currently like my Doritos, I am about 90 percent on the path. One thing they told me after my question that I should limit how much white rice I eat. However, the only trait I share with Chinese is my love of rice. I love rice. However, I have mostly limited my rice, except for about a once every ten days wanting of a fried rice dish at my local Lanzhou Lamian place. With my dad when I was home, I showed him some really fattening but wonderful Chinese food. Really from a YouTube video and experience here, a lot of Chinese food is really fattening. One love I always had is three meat baozi washed down with a Bing Hong Cha (having had a Bing Hong Cha for several months when I probably drank several bottles a day.) In the last six months, only had Baozi once. My example to him was Dongpo Rou. I told him I think accurately that Dongpo Rou makes bacon celery in comparison. It is nothing but fat, pork and grease. Wonderful with a bowl of rice. Wow. Second place are deep fried spare ribs. Holy shit. Not seeking it, but if at a banquet with deep fried spare ribs would probably say “Fuck the diet” like Pauly Walnuts and indulge. But I think Dongpo wins the wonderful, delicious fattening food of all time in China. Strange that our bodies like the food the most which is the worst for us. I have not eaten KFC or McDonalds once. I do like the double fish sandwich at McDonalds and have been tempted but not seriously. I will have a Burger King hamburger about twice a month. No fries. No Coca Cola though. Or Bing Hong Cha. But I try and feels good to be down 50 lbs. But Dongpo Rou is the shit.
  14. There is a teaching position available to the right person. It is in Xiasha working for a couple who rented an apartment to start a small school. So far they have five children and probably couldn’t support more than ten kids. The kids ages seem to be from about six and ten. I accepted the job, but saw the distance prohibitive. They seem like a very nice young couple trying to make a buck. My current on and off employer (who is like your lunatic wife you come back to periodically to see if things changed) has offered me about the same work close to home. Actually this job pays better for the time if you live out there. They would pay me 8000 a month for two classes from 9 am to 11:15 am with a 15 minute break, five days a week. If this was in town, it would be a decent gig. If you live in Xiasha, give it a shot. If you speak English and are a foreigner, they will hire you. Please feel free to PM myself or Weixin me at Chinaglenn. Teacher needed by July 5. I don’t want to screw these people over. If you are out in Xiasha (The Garden Spot of the Orient) take the job. Be home by noon, home all day. Glenn
  15. Mr. Zheng

    Standup comedy Scene

    Stand up comedy sucks a dick. I would rather get poked in the eye by a fire poker or fucked in the ass with no grease by Mike Tyson than actually paying money to listen to someone trying to yuck me up. Seriously?
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