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Mr. Zheng

Charcoal doesn’t exist anymore.

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The other day I decided I wanted ribs and started for Charcoal. I thought in the back of my mind this would be true and arriving there, my fear was realized, Charcoal is no longer there, replaced by a Sushi place.

I wasn’t that surprised of the demise of the place. I think it has sone faults. First, I hated the location, it was just out of the way. Sometimes I would think about going there, but end up more about going to Eudora or another place in the city, near shopping, drinking or places of interest. Charcoal was out in a ghetto of nothingness. 

Second, they made their own beer. Note,  and not to troll here but craft beer tastes like cold piss. Seriously. I hate these pretentious ass places with some copper tank in back with some goofy beer name like Strawberry Pussy Kiss or Carolina Urine. Then they don’t have regular commercial beer because they sell their own crap and that Steampunk machine has to pay for itself someway. Restaurants, please for the Love of Christ, don’t make your own fucking beer. Just buy it wholesale and sell it to us at a ridiculous markup. Sell that copper crap to a hobo.

Third, Chinese don’t like our food for the most part, or really anything digestable to anyone but them or a desperate animal. If it isn’t weird, smelly, with an eyeball in it, the Chinese won’t eat it. They have a preconceived supposition if what “western food” is and anything outside that norm doesn’t work. Then they have the audacity to put down American and western food. Well, sorry, we didn’t invent dishes because of famine and starvation. Put down a wonderful Italian pizza versus a bowl of Chou Dofu and ask the Chinese to pick one and the pizza will be gone.

Speaking of which, why does Pizza Hut exist? At least Papa Johns got kicked out of here for giving too many people a Number Two the next day. I would like to invite the CEO of Papa Johns to China and then have him get hit by a truck. Because this is what he deserves, not death but three weeks in a Chinese hospital, a fate much more horrible, and be forced to eat his own product. But off the subject of the demise of Charcoal.

The name Charcoal itself was bad. Charcoal is the dirty, grimy rocks to cook the meat. Not appetizing. Might as well call the place Dust, Dirt, Coffee Grounds. Flame would have been a nice name, as long as it wasn’t confused with a gay bar.

Lastly, the waitstaff. Charcoal is far from the only one, but I hate waitstaff here and their bullshit. You step one foot in and you are shadowed by someone who is pointing me to a seat like I am a toddler, they hand me a menu and run off. They don’t have a conception of someone ordering a drink while looking st the menu and go get my drink now instead of hanging over me like Big Bird. They go get your drink and come back with a glass of tepid water or some other bullshit instead of your drink. Then you want to order and the waitstaff is in some dark vortex of nothingness. Also, bus the damn tables. So tired of looking at dirty ass tables they will slowly clean. If you eat fast food in the restaurant, when you are done, take your trash and the tray and throw your shit away. Can I get an Amen somebody?

Lastly (applause) I think Charcoal was one of those places that we say we want to go to, but just never made the effort. As I said before, the place was in the middle of nowhere. We finally made the effort to get way the fuck out there, and got the same reaction I did “It’s closed. Shit.” Life goes on and there will be other mediocre, overpriced bullshit western restaurants in the future and there are many now.

Goodbye Charcoal, it was fun sucking your bone.

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I saw the original cook (from South Africa) when I was doing my last visa for my last term at the uni,  so this had to be beginning of 2017. He was already gone there because the owner wanted to turn it into a Chinese restaurant. 

I lived at gudun road so for me it was deff not the middle of nowhere, it was about 20 min walking. 

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